Love is Awful

"Love is awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening."

That's a quote from Fleabag, said by Andrew Scott, by the way. The show itself is complex, as well as brutally honest. I mean, dark humor, sex, and bitter-sweetness aside, it's a brilliant show. Then again, I might be biased.

Love and the church, for me, have always been...complicated. They tell you to think a certain way, and if you don't, you're going to hell. Simple as that. Sure there's forgiveness, whatever that equates to, but that seems to be the overall gist.

You start to think something is wrong. It isn't an immediate visceral reaction, but it's enough to get you to pause. You aren't supposed to say that, friends don't say that, and if they did isn't it a little weird you still fancy the sight of them?

Isn't it a little odd how their laugh makes your heart swell? I wouldn't be so sure about your late night talks. Are you sure you want to see them tonight?

Because, like a parasite, love lives for a very long time. It hides beneath your skin, edging to that beating organ in your chest, and burrows there. Consuming. Devouring. Tearing at every strand of tissue it can get.

Damn it, you shouldn't have said that!

Why do you have to go and ruin things?

I want this perfect, more than perfect, I need this perfect.

That's what it is. That's what it does.

And then you get that text back. And, like some miracle from the heavens, those voices disappear. You can get lost in their ocean eyes, or sunshine hair, and know. It doesn't matter what they say. It doesn't matter where this goes. What matters is now. Right now. That's all that should matter.

Some days, you just have to say fuck it. Own up. Rise up. Be proud you managed to find someone that loves you the way you love them. It doesn't happen too many times in a lifetime, so ride the wave till it dies.

A few months? A few years? A lifetime?

It doesn't matter.

"Love is awful. It’s painful. It’s frightening...so, no wonder it's something we don't want to do on our own."

Don't be scared to love, and don't you dare be scared of imperfections.