Why?

It’s an easy question to answer. At least, I think it should be. Why do we have to eat, to drink, to breathe? Why do fish find peace in a body of water, while our lungs fill like water balloons? Why are we here, of all places, of all times, of all universes? It should be an easy answer. We say because. Well, because of what? We say because, well why not?

I think of this at two in the morning. I would think of this at any other time, but my mind is often filled with other senseless nonsense. I think of this at two AM when the sun is far away, and the moon is even farther, because why not? I don’t have anywhere to be at two AM, I don’t have anything to do.

And so, I sit there. I sit there and think.

Why?

Did I do something wrong today? Well, I suppose it’s midnight. Did I do something wrong yesterday? Did I say too much to her? Did I slip? What if she hates me, what if I screwed up, what if our relationship is washed down the drain? Why did I do that? That’s stupid. Why should I even consider her? She isn't like the rest. She’s a mess, a problem, a mess of feelings that I don’t understand. Why did I say those words? In that order? Why am I putting myself at risk? Idiot.

And, my mind begins to wander. Senseless. Drifting. I think of why I’m asking these questions. It’s not like I get an answer back. There isn’t a soul to hear me anyway. My thoughts are just… thoughts. A voice in my head. A desperate attempt.

And so, at two AM, I urge my mind to stop. I beg. I take a breath, allow my eyes to close. I don’t have anywhere to be. I don’t have anything to do. It can all wait till tomorrow. She probably doesn’t hate me. No, maybe she loves me. Maybe the universe has a plan. Maybe everything, in this exact moment, is meant to happen.

Sleep.

Why?

You need it.

Why?

Because.